Welcome 2012! What some men SAY they want and what they REALLY want.

Welcome 2012. I have a great feeling about this year, either we will all come to our predicted demise as per Mayan suggestion or this will be one kick-ass year. Either way, great to have the blood still pumping, mouth still yapping and tits still bouncing. Yay for gravity!

Anyhow….

I have been chatting with a ton of my girl friends lately who I used to criticize for using online dating services but now adore for their gumption and willingness to take on the experience. Between OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish and How About We, I have heard some of the craziest, most ghetto, terrifying and hilarious stories. Whether it’s cut and paste dude (ie. “You’re so sexy girl, I want to taste you”) or the straight up over explicative creeper who tells you his life story and emotional issues that he’d usually pay a therapist to dissect – I’ve come to the conclusion there is still nothing good out there. At least I or many of my hot girl friends have not found it yet.

So why is it that some of the smartest, driven, caring and most beautiful women I know cannot get a date with a viable candidate that isn’t a nut job, whore, unattractive or just plain corny? Why is it the most well-rounded women I know seem to have to settle for a guy under their caliber to find some kind of stability? On the flip side, I know some men who are attractive, established and smart who also seem to go for women who don’t seem to be on their level…but men have it easier, I don’t care what they say!

What is it about a strong, confident woman that makes men so intimidated?

I took it to Twitter to ask the masses “what would make you not want to date a girl,” here were some responses…many of which, I already knew were true but always just precious to always see it laid out:

• Unintelligent

• Compulsive liar

• Too much talking

• Swearing in public

• Acting like “one of the guys”

• Needy

• Lack of independence

• Bad taste in music, not knowing Morrisey (hmmmm…)

Now, I totally get this list but I have DEFINITELY encountered most of these in men too. Trash is trash no matter what gender but I feel like women are so much more willing to put certain things aside just by our forgiving nature. I then asked a good friend (who I also at one time was madly in love with) what one of the traits was in me was that might scare men and of course he answered, “your flamboyant personality.”

BURN.

So basically compatibility, heart, loyalty, dedication can all be dissipated by the simple fact that I’m a strong woman who unabashedly says it like it is, has had to build everything I have from the ground up and take care of myself thorough everything. Sorry, in order to be in charge of yourself you can’t be a pussy (zing) and it’s a SHAME that so many men see that as a detriment or threat. We invest so much emotionally, why shouldn’t we have true reciprocation? Don’t you want a woman who can hold shit down and doesn’t waiver when times get hard?

It really got me to thinking about the disparity in American culture and the way we view women in a relationship sense.

The idea that a woman needs to “dumb herself down” or “behave,” when a man can act however they want truly is appalling to me. I have went out with MANY men who act like absolute jackasses when you get a few swigs of liquor into them and ever more scary, SOBER. It’s acceptable for a man to be aggressive but urged for a woman to be submissive. F that notion entirely. What happened to the idea of a man that was strong enough on his own to seek out a woman who would actually be on his level? Psh, if that’s where we are at, I guess I am dying alone…in a carnal sense, we DO die alone.

The decline of male assertion is astounding. With women at a peak position of self-sufficiency and confidence, I am PROUD of my gender for holding it down. It’s no cake walk keeping our bodies looking good or putting on makeup and dressing like a sexy beast every day. Why should we NOT be confident and invested in our accomplishments?

I find that in the modern dating sphere – many men SAY they want an equal, but are still looking for a play toy that they can manipulate to feel like a man. To all my ladies affected, I feel your pain and I know others that are there with us – never waiver or settle for a soul less than you deserve, if they don’t support and understand you now, they never will. As Nicks and Buckingham crooned, “if you don’t love me now, then you’ll never love me again.”

With that said, I am optimistic for love in 2012 🙂 Preferably with this stud:

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7 thoughts on “Welcome 2012! What some men SAY they want and what they REALLY want.

  1. Cool article Z. I recently signed up for a free dating site myself…no terrible experiences to speak of yet haha. What you’re writing about here though is close to something I said in my profile where it asks “What do you spend time thinking about?”. I wrote: If I’ll ever meet someone who is comfortable and confident enough to be themselves when we’re together and wants the same from me.

    Little different, but kind of the same idea and definitely honest. It’s not a matter of changing yourself so you can find someone who will accept or tolerate you…..it’s merely a matter of finding someone that wants to be with you because of who and how you are now.

  2. The problem is most people try to date within the same circles. They only look for the same type of people that they’ve dated in the past. They don’t realize that these relationships have failed for a reason. Also, people think they’re Bob Villa and are getting into a fixer-upper instead of realizing that you can’t really change a person, they are who they are, no matter how much they mask things on the first few dates. No reason why anyone should dumb themselves down, or try and find someone as good as them, who like you mentioned is willing to take on 50% of the load. When relationships fail it is never a one sided thing, you need to take care of each other and be there for the good times and the bad times. Too bad there are jackasses (both male and female) who don’t want to see things this way, and don’t want to look in the mirror when things don’t work.

    • I agree it’s on both parties and I think one thing I have learned over time is to listen from the beginning, if the cues point to a shitty start chances are the end will be the same

  3. I love the article it’s very pinpoint. With that said I’ve wondered about why it’s do hard to find someone of that nature that wants to be treated with respect and not feel like its a front? But I guess it’s all how you represent yourself your either confident and an ass or shy and not interesting enough

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