A MANS GUIDE: How to absolutely fail at being a gentleman & human being

Let me preface this whole thing by saying that I can take a lot of things in stride. I don’t take anything too seriously unless you REALLY strike a nerve. Daily I receive material for my arsenal from a wide variety of men…and by no means do I feel I am an exception, I’m sure most women experience the same thing. However, last night I reached my threshold for annoyance with the assumption that a man can say/do whatever they want to a woman without consequence. Sometimes a person needs to be put in check and reminded, your words, actions and attitude all reflect on you.

Here’s the scenario…

I went out to a cool bar with a good friend of mine and her old co-workers. They are all fun, rad people and quickly we began getting a little tanked. I have been laying low on the liquor because I’ve been on a health kick, but this was my day to cut a little loose and treat myself. As the night began dwindling down, the group of friends minimized and a friend of a friend of a friend zeroed in to sit next to me. He most definitely looked like a D rate version of this guy…

…minus the cheap swag too.

Off the bat, I was not with it but because I’m not a bitch I humored him and chatted with him. Not once, but three times in our conversation he touched me. I asked him “not to touch” me each time and progressively I got more annoyed but still kept some composure. I decided to start asking this guy questions and find out what his deal is and basically, here was the rundown:

• He has no job and obviously that’s not a problem

• He lives with his parents

• He went to Morehouse College and graduated…4 YEARS AGO

• His ancestors were “slaves that built the White House” — NOTE: I’m bi-racial from an immigrant household, I don’t get what his angle was there at all

I then in drunk annoyance, said to him “so you’re a pussy basically?” — and he wholeheartedly admitted “yes, yes I am.” That pissed me off, like you have a penis, you are trying to hit on me and have touched me several times – MAN THE FUCK UP. He didn’t seem that drunk to me but he MUST have been to keep persisting with me and at one point was like “let me sit next to you,” and I of course said NO. Eventually my patience grew short and I straight up told him “listen dude, I will never fuck you, I’m not just a moronic pair of tits.”

His reaction…

“Well your face is better anyways, your tits aren’t that great they’re saggy”


Do not talk about my tits. Do not act like an asshole because I denied the shit out of your pathetic spineless busted ass. It reminds me of all the times you walk down the street some nasty guys holla at you and then when you ignore them they retort “man fuck you, you ugly anyways.” SOMEONE’S DICK IS LIMP.

This set off a fire on me and for the second (…maybe 5th lol) time in my life I was compelled to spit on someone. I laughed and he kept rolling on “you’re chubby anyways, your pu**y is like toilet water, etc” – yeah so chubby you were trying to stick it two seconds ago and furthermore, what kind of black man condemns a woman for being thick?!?! I had enough at that point – in a flash it all happened and I don’t take ANY of it back. I looked at him and hocked up the biggest wad of spit I had, and spat right in his face. Played out something like this…

I then picked up the pint glass with the ice from my drink and dumped it over his head. Pissed and fueled by adrenaline I picked up my friends’ full drink and dumped that over his head too. To top it off I spat on him one more time and hauled my chubby Jersey ass to the bottom of the stairs, took off my jacket and said “what motherfucker, I ain’t playing.”

Classy? Hell no.

Necessary? Hell yes.

I’m frankly tired of men thinking they can say/act/do whatever they want to women and then flip the script when we’re not receptive to their bullshit. Do not touch me and learn how to pick up cues that I am not interested. I give it to him, he took it like the punk ass loser he is but surely because he KNEW he was wrong. I was asked to leave but I don’t give a SHIT, it was the best reaction I have had all year.

Lesson some men should learn: Act like a gentleman. Being drunk and/or having a dick is no excuse to be a sack of useless shit.

Lesson ladies should learn: Don’t let them get away with acting like total jerk or popping BS to you when it doesn’t go their way. If we continue to let instances like this go down, men will never learn HOW to act like a gentleman.

Props to my girl for grabbing her coat and rolling with my madness!


3 thoughts on “A MANS GUIDE: How to absolutely fail at being a gentleman & human being

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