A creative mind is fueled by the void, not by the fulfillment. The quest for the most tangible answer at times becomes a solitary driving force for discovery.
Isn’t it funny how pieces of a conversation can affect your entire perspective on life? The other day I was chatting with a friend of the opposite sex who is constantly reality checking me (in the best way possible) and it got me thinking about so many things connected with emotions. I’ll never forget what forged our allegiance, he asked me frankly one day “are you a deep thinker” and without hesitation I hopelessly admitted, “yeah i believe i am.” (I’ve used this question on other people since just to hear their reaction, you should too the answer might surprise you.) Deep thoughts and observations are a key piece of my arsenal, sometimes almost to a fault. Then again when did it become so taboo to feel, to experience on a visceral level something true and real at that moment? We’ve become a culture hardened to true romance, selflessness and consideration: all things at the very core of successful relationships no matter what their nature.
I’ll note that in another very key analytical discussion with one of my best friends she broke down the nature of romantically driven relationships in such a poignant way that I was taken aback by its genius. (These are the lifted conversations that linger in your mind days after, stoned brilliance is not to be denied).
“Romantic relationships are the only that require the monogamy and solidarity of your love. Think about it – you can love friends and family all at the same time, equally and for different reasons. With a partner, your love and allegiance is assumed to be only to them. It’s the only love of that kind.”
Woah, holy revelation bro.
I note to most, maybe not the bounty of polygamists who spread dat love freely, but to most humans I know it is an insulated love. One that that can only live in the present, in an emotional island alone or haunting graveyards of past loves. What makes this particular love so encompassing over others? Is it the physicality that results in the human natural reaction of possession and jealousy? Or a flip of the coin – is it more damaging to have an emotional fidelity that supersedes anything physical? Rarely can we find that perfect balance, which is a reason I sometimes can understand the nature of cheating. Not that it makes it right or even forgivable, but it’s that void again that stirs up behavior. Many of us have loved people we have never been physical with and loathed people we’ve been intimate with. So what’s worse in perspective? You can erase an isolated bad experience mentally but you can’t deny what lives as a stain on your heart. Someone who sees into your soul is frankly irreplaceable and unforgettable.
Although I’ve been doing it my whole life, only recently have I learned that it takes a lot of courage to wear your heart on your sleeve. Perhaps that’s why I took up singing and writing songs because it’s shameless and fearless. I’ve written songs about the emotion I identified in a situation that I could never myself in real life verbalize to that person. Maybe that’s also why I’ve had such a bumpy ride with identifying my true feelings about a situation and facing it. Having this outlet to throw it out there with no feedback or rebuttal makes it easier to consider a situation absolute. As I get older I’ve learned this about myself, my greatest joy also happens to be a crippling emotional vice. That mysterious void is something that drives me insane but also keeps me interested in pursuing life passionately.
Much like music, love is one of the only things that transcends language, time and location. I’ll opt to continue to embrace every gloriously tortured moment of it head on 😉
“Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.”