Pre-apocalypitc notability: a year in lessons + killer muzak

One of my girl friends called me the “Taylor Swift of Metal” the other day, I almost fucking died of laughter. Two retarded bitches who love music as much as men, not a bad comparison but I wish I had that bank account. I guess maybe in some ways T Swift and I share some bad habits and dilemmas but such is being woman in this wild, wild world. In 2012 I experienced a whole new set of experiences between my career, see-saw love life, musical existence, living situation, new friends and associates…2012 was an exceptional year of living and breathing, barely. Life is morbidly beautiful and throws you a curve ball at any chance it can, I’m starting to hate and love it all in one.

Whether you wanna believe it you have a relationship with every album and song you listen to. Sometimes it’s a one night stand, other times it’s a long everlasting love. Always a crap shoot. Personally my experiences with live music weigh heavily on what albums make my rotation. It’s that assessment in the flesh that leaves the most lasting impact with me. Here are a few albums/singles this year (some of which were probably released last year but let’s not split hairs) that impacted me in no particular order because seriously, who can legit do that?! Also, I probably forgot some…it’s a long year and many drinks.

Deftones – “Koi No Yokan”
Converge – “All We Love We Leave Behind”
Black Breath – “Sentenced to Life”
High on Fire – “De Vermis Mysteriis”
Nas – “Life Is Good”
Lamb of God – “Resolution”
Polica – “Give You The Ghost”
Action Bronson – ERRYTHANG
Frank Ocean – “Channel Orange”
Madball – “Rebellion EP”
Neurosis – “Honor Found In Decay”
2:54 – “2:54”
Cold Cave – “Cherish The Lightyears”
Lamb of God – “Resolution”
Purity Ring – “Shrines”
Gojira – “L’Enfant Sauvage”
Lana del Rey – “Born To Die”
Royal Thunder – “CVI”
Strife – “Witness A Rebirth”
Kendrick Lamar – “good kid, m.A.A.d city”
Torche – “Harmonicraft”
Christian Mistress – “Posession”
Municipal Waste – “The Fatal Feast”
VOD – “The Cursed Remain Cursed”
Primate – “Draw Back A Stump”
Burning Love – “Rotten Thing To Say”

When I sat down to think about my music list, I also realized how many personal shifts I had this year, here are some of my various 2012 life highlights:
• Hosted my first live stream ever, what a trip that was! What I learned from this: Cross your legs when you’re being filmed sitting down at eye level, chocha view is not the best impression on the audience
• Went on my first trip to Miami. What I learned from this: There are no zombies there AND I love sun and sand, obnoxiously.
• Gave my heart twice, got burned twice, hardbody. What I learned from this: Feelings are not reality or mutual, when someone warns you with signs/words you need to listen.
• Got that heart + mic tattoo I had been pining over for years. What I learned from this: My tattoo artist is fucking amazing.
• Ended my time with my band Aphonia, the band I sang in for 5+ years of my life. What I learned from this: I’m a different musician now, but will always remember the amazing times we shared.
• Had my first real TV appearance on Fuse. What I learned from this: Editing is a bitch
• Finally lost that 10 pounds that never seemed to come off. What I learned from this: Losing weight is totally a matter of mind over matter AND I have a new found love of running.
• Took on a new project management position. What I learned from this: I’ve reach a point in my career where I now know what I’m doing, I love inspiring my team to reach higher.
• Had my car broken into & radio stolen, which is still not back. What I learned from this: I live in the fuckin hood, no denying that…we can’t have nice things.
• Filmed and edited my first mini documentary. What I learned from this: I love filming and want to do so much more with this in 2013.
• Rock climbed for the first time. What I learned from this: You can fall and live – a metaphor for SO much in life.
• Sat front row & center for a Deftones show, Chino sang to my ass. What I learned from this: I will love the Deftones until the day I no longer breathe.
• Endured my first hurricane that literally put my world out of commission for a week. What I learned from this: A gas shortage could take down the world, we are so dependent on transportation in NYC it’s not even funny.
• Made Gazelle into a full band and wrote my first song with my partner J. What I learned from this: J and I have an amazing ability to write good music, friendship sometimes is a huge creative factor.
• Took the stage at a Lamb of God show with my coworkers to introduce the band at a packed show in NYC. What I learned from this: I love my job and am grateful to be a positive influence in music for women, wouldn’t trade it for the world.

The good, bad, ugly and straight up amusing. Word on the street is the way to live it up in life is by taking chances and chances I took in 2012. I’ve never been more forward and honest in my life, both with others and myself. Sometimes in the game of life you gamble and win…more often you fail. I’m hoping for 2013 I’ll be able to learn from my mishaps and find personal and professional success. The older I get the fewer fucks I dispense, almost scary at times. I’m a emotional creature, feelings are like crack for me but it’s extremely exciting to live it up 🙂


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