It might seem like bad behavior is a common gripe for me but weekly I am astonished by the things that happen to me and I see. Perhaps in this life some people have become so convoluted that they fail to acknowledge, consider or even validate another’s intelligence level. Often it is not what is said that is insulting, but moreso the intent and context under which it lies. Yes, I have a cool life and live an unconventional lifestyle. Yes, I may drink like a sailor and blitz until I see another universe. I may even have a dirty mind and a mouth that free flows words, concepts, phrases that most women would never utter in fear of shame. This is me, this is it. Conversely, I am also a very traditionally valued woman at my core. I swoon for romance and real talk, respect is a #1 quality at the core of any potential suitor. Over the last year, teetering on the tail end of my 20’s, I have seen some of the most moving and appalling behavior from the opposite sex. When did the basic gentlemanly principle of respect become something painfully extracted and not a natural mechanism? Is every woman of my generation doomed to swim through a sea of merciless, corny scumbags in order to unearth a diamond in the rough? I always fall hardest for a man who is a conscious gentleman, a man who makes me feel like a woman, which at times can be hard considering my brute capabilities but lightning strikes sometimes. It’s only happened to me once this year but I’m told I should be optimistic there has to be more, somewhere, somehow…we’ll see!
It’s crucial to understand that every interaction varies because every relationship is fundamentally different. No two people have the same rapport with each other and can act the same way with one another. However, if there is one thing I know well and have seen the marrow of it’s male behavior – the good, bad and the ugly. Frankly I’m always shocked to discover who in the end comes out the most respectful. Alongside some of the shadiest of shade, I’ve been blown away by some who totally defy my expectation, another soul who has been wrongfully branded like myself. Some women are willing to settle for less and for blatant disrespect in order to be with someone. I’m not that woman, why settle for disposable when you can strive for remarkable. To make a relationship work for real it is imperative that you are with a partner who is willing to take it to to ride or die territory. Someone you can conquer worlds with, lie in bed for days with and painstakingly reveal every truth of yourself to. The person this ideal manifests itself with is rarely who you thought it would be. Often I find the most enviable of relationships are a head-turning pairing and there is no rhyme or reason behind it. You certainly can’t rely on looks alone as well and although I’ve never been one to judge based solely on looks, keepin it a buck I do appreciate a handsome man! Forgive my cynicism but I often see friends with amazing boyfriends, truly good human beings and I cant fathom why I am not seeing this type of man on my earth. Is it me? Is it what I’m attracted to? Are the a dying species? When all I wanted was a simple kind of life…
In an attempt to outline some of the more luda behavior displayed, here are some basic tips, elements & principles of a respectful courtship:
• Under no circumstances is it acceptable to text me past 11 PM if we’re not already talking or engaged in a dialogue. Go whack off or bang some trick instead, absolutely uninterested. In fact, this is one of my biggest peeves, I know very few girls who look forward to that 2 am juvenile booty call text unless you’re already involved. Grow up and learn how to function at a respectable hour. Get a hooker, do what ya gotta do, just don’t hit me up.
• Always walk a woman home, to the train, or whatever destination you can see her off well at.
• Learn how to laugh at yourself and laugh period. Anyone who has went out with me or even encountered me on some level knows how hard it is for me not to laugh. If I can’t crack jokes with you, I can’t spend more than 5 mins with you on any relationship level. Laughter is crucial for any good-natured relationship!
• Follow through with what you say or don’t say it at all. I’m well aware most don’t do this (among both sexes) because they aren’t really interested, playing games, full of shit, etc. but it’s a really unattractive characteristic. My word is bond when it’s given and action always speaks louder than words.
• Offer to pay even if you don’t. I absolutely do not believe a man should pay for everything and I am a fan of splitting but the non-offer speaks volumes.
• Walk by your dates side, hold their hand. There’s something inexplicably comforting and manly about this, truth be told almost a sure fire panty dropper. Value is sexy in that moment.
• Try not to be so predictable. We’ve seen it all and even if you throw a curve ball, one of my squadron of die hard girlfriends will have insight. Never underestimate the prowess of women in numbers, nothing is out of line to find out the truth. What’s not predictable is quality, because it’s a rarity, strive to be meaningful above busting a nut.
• Save the bro talk and chauvinism for the locker room where it can thrive in homoerotic bliss. Nothing is worse than when a dude is mad dope one on one then reveals the inner douche when with friends, this separates the men from the boys.
• Learn some physical restraint. Difficult yes, even a douche bag like myself needs to take this tip because there is a lot to be said for holding back a little. If I’m attracted to you and feelin you, it’s virtually impossible but it’s always astounding when I meet a man with restraint…still learning the art personally.
• Don’t just talk about yourself all the time. You’re great, we know….just don’t need to hear the countless ways over and over and over.
At the end of the day, a good way to look at it is this way – would you want a guy to treat your sister or mother that way? Perhaps it’s a bit old school of me to expect gentlemanly respect but I only expect what I dish. Happy hunting in 2013 🙂
Don’t be this douche: