Never in a million years would I have thought I’d be even remotely comfortable with taking a semi-exposed picture. The sexuality aspect of it isn’t even the hurdle, moreso a lack of confidence within myself about my body. I am not the most beautiful girl out there, nor am I traditionally even pretty. I’m a mutt with a real ass body, who also leans on the same vices that almost every normal stressed out 20-something has such as booze, greenery and lovin’ the wrong people. Although I am always up for physical outdoor challenge, it has generally been hard for me to fall into a solid groove with my workout over the past few years. As 29 years in hit the clock, I seriously took a step back I think about what I envision for myself physically. Do I want to continue on this way, or can I really attune myself to a new lifestyle? Given the plainly open way I live my life there was no other option than to give augmented health my best shot. So I’ve done it over the past 7 months, sacrificed eating things I love, worked out when I was sick, ripped up my hands with squat thrusts and tried to dwindle down my toxic vices (most times to avail, but you do what you can). Its incredible what a few pounds and perspective can do for your mental and emotional health. At 29 I feel more alive than ever, even decided to take up Crossfit which I am starting today.
Enter in my photo shoot yesterday….
I’d never planned on taking copious amounts of bare-all shots but at this stage in the game with my body I thought, why not see how it looks. Alongside many clothed photos, I thought it would be an interesting insight. Recently a good friend of mine did a racy shoot where she just looked perfect, classy but desirable, something I feel is the true essence of female empowerment. It oddly inspired me to be more confident in myself, so in good faith I went in for the kill. We have been taught since childhood that “nudity is taboo,” however empires of yore have been embracing sexuality in a much less taboo way for centuries. In pop culture we sensationalize the human form, deeming it a prop in a chess game of sexuality yet all human bodies are in their essence gorgeous. Skin and bones are incredible things because of the life force ticking underneath. Sexuality is actually an afterthought in my opinion, it all boils down to perspective. I’ve often heard myself referred to as “hyper sexualized” but I beg to differ. Knowing what you want, identifying realistically and honestly what you think about and want for your body is not sexual, it’s functionally human. We spend so much time looking at unrealistic visions of the female form spoon fed to us through media that we forget what reality really looks like. It’s also dangerous for men to reinforce these images, every woman has a flaw and frankly men, those hairlines are a gamble most of us ladies take on.
Life is fucking hard and takes its toll on the body. Some years we look amazing, others we cloak in as much clothing as we can to hide excessive pounds. There is something beautiful about shedding all inhibition in a natural way and capturing the essence of yourself, unclothed, bare, raw and honest. I think it’s an incredible contradiction to shun on confident, tasteful presentation – after all isn’t that what every cover of a magazine we’ve read has aimed for? Honing in on the character, extracting that rawness. After cringing several times, I was ready to see myself in a more bare form (I’m not even naked, that my friends is the power if illusion) and I was honestly shocked and taken aback. I was proud that at 29 my body is in one of the best states it has ever been in, literally I maintain and nurture it everyday so it is my greatest artwork to date. I am woman, flaws and all, hear me roar.
I am FAR from a fucking model, I’d sooner bank on my wit and intelligence which will be never ending than looks which are bound to fade. I know nothing lasts forever, so with a little fear I decided to snap some tastefully bearing shots. Pure liberation and uninhibited confidence rushed over me. This is my fucking body, I’ve sacrificed for it, I want to see it in a real light. Every woman should feel like this at one point in their life, because it’s not the pleasing aesthetic, or well kept body, it’s the beauty in the message self-happiness radiates to the world. One life, once chance.