There are some days that truly make me wonder why I bother to be a good person. The concepts of “pay it forward,” being selfless and decency are completely lost at times. By now, I’m rarely surprised by the tactics and depths some people will unnecessarily sink for self satisfaction. Shellfish…nothing but a bunch of cowardly crustaceans clamoring around the earth. We’ve all had those days, I am no exception and it’s been more than I would have hoped at stage of life. The truth is people can be very fucked up, extending well beyond just intimate relationships. I’ve had people drag my name through the mud, lie to my face repeatedly, pretend to be me thinking I wouldn’t find out, put words in my mouth that were never uttered and the most fucked up part: I’ve had to sit and take it with a smile.
Like Nas said “when you’re on top there’s envy” and even in its simplest form, it’s so true. People think manipulation, especially in the business I am involved in, is a fruitful tactic. They chose to cajole and fit the foot into a shoe that was never for them and frankly I find few things more pathetic. I am well aware of how fucked up life can be inherently, raping you mercilessly until there is barely anything left. I am highly attuned to our own mortality and the fact of the matter is when you’re resting in a cozy pine box for eternity, those still living will always remember how you treated others. Legacies are measured by your conduct, choosing virtuous interaction over self-serving achievements. This principle is exactly why I choose to pay it forward daily by treating others the with the respect and compassion I would want from anyone. Does this make me better than others? Hell no, I am guilty of being an asshole just like the next woman. What it does do for me is offer me internal peace and soul silence. We are all disposable in this life and will need to call upon someone, someday, at a non flattering time for guidance or help. Choosing to manipulate and disrespect in order to get immediate satisfaction is poor game plan for life. You might one day have to ask that intern you trained years ago for a new job. You might be able to gain trust in your network if you weren’t too busy poaching opportunities in sport. The same knife you can stab me with, will most certainly at another point be turned on you.
Perhaps this adoration of virtuosity can be attributed to my uber catholic upbringing, but my need to do the right thing has almost stunted me at times. Going out of your way for others is not easy and taking the higher road is often more challenging than anything. Don’t get me wrong, I will be the first to admit fault if I am in the wrong but I will always defend myself when I know a situation is misrepresented. I stand by my work and karma and you’d be pressed to find me helping someone who I deem phony or self-serving on a matter of principle. This life is long and energy sucking, by equipping yourself with the right attitude and direction you can change the course of the outcome. Many people take hurt and betrayal and synthesize it by turning it into the same vicious product on others. I choose to let it eat me, internally process and move forward without dispersing that hurt on to anyone else. It is not the small glories that make life meaningful, it is the reward of living with virtue. It is building a reputable and respectable name for yourself no matter what you do, possessing compassion and protecting your own morality. Having a consciousness of every small interaction and how it reflects you as a person is a huge deal in every facet of life. When you act in jealousy or insecurity, that reflects on you poorly. Simple principle: people have faith in good people. Live with integrity, the rest will fall into place.