The American legal system is a paradox. It’s necessary for order when we need it yet sometimes the red tape and conditions of the law can be so blurry it almost seems impossible to obtain true justice. As far as the law goes, I’ve often been on the breaking side. However, recently I decided to call upon the law for my protection and was shocked at not only the process, but the outcome of my situation.
What I realized is the law has no reverence for your sanity or emotional well being, only physical actions can cement your case ESPECIALLY as a woman. Where is the justice for emotional terror? Does it have to result in physical harm in order for the law to legitimize your claim? In some respect I would rather die than spend a lifetime conceding to emotional terror that is unwarranted. Emotion leads to action, action leads to consequence which at that point is too far. Without getting into the crazy specifics of my situation I will disclose that I have been the victim of emotional and physical terrorism in past and present. I thought it had departed from me and I could finally never think about it again until it came back to haunt me in real time. Only another victim, someone who can identify with the peril of manipulation and emotional, mind-fucking manipulation can understand where this takes you. It’s insane how a relationship so pure and wonderful to you at one time can become so malicious and vile. Admittedly it took me a very long time to come to terms with how heavily the ramifications of this situation weighed on me and my emotional well being. As a victim, of course you want to forget. You weigh out what your participation was, what could have been avoided and try to make sure not to duplicate those things in the future. I am so strong in many areas of my life but when it comes to love and men, all bets are off. I forgive too easily, give way too many second chances (which turn into third, fourth and beyond) and frankly, do not display my strongest behavior. As we grow older we can only hope to learn and grow from those mistakes and teach ourselves how to avoid those negative traits in future prospects. However, when a situation from the past ceases to die and literally comes back to haunt you on your home turf, all bets are off.
Emotional terror is real and no joke, it can take years to cleanse it from your soul. Until now I never have had a need or motive to interject the law into my own situation, I’ve been able to take the punches as they come and deal on my own. This time was different because my care was so far removed and identified with the inflictor that I no longer wanted to accept the terror. No one should have the right to consistently victimize with no repercussions, not only is it harmful to the victim but it’s an enabler to the perpetrator. Without the hand of the law to back you up it just becomes a lawless mess of daggers and the scariest part for me is you never know when, where and how it will manifest itself. As a friend told me, “a true crazy does not care.” I watch the crime shows, I know the signs – when you make the resolution to bring it there it’s a clear and present danger. So I gave my fate to the law and despite my best argument in my defense, even a surprising acknowledgement of culpability from the defending party, I was not granted my order.
The only thing that can describe my reaction was shock – how could the inexplicable actions of someone else not be questioned or punished with consequence? Why am I left to wonder in vulnerability what will be the next phase of this terror? I have no words for my disdain for the way the law is dished out sometimes, there is no rhyme or reason and using antiquated court cases as a citation for examples of why my case could not be valid burns me inside. Every situation is different and after seeing how this one paned out for me, I can’t help but wonder how many of even more severity slip through with dire consequences. I also can’t help but think that if I had a dick and the tables were turned, that the situation would be completely different. At then end of the day, the law doesn’t protect you from reality – you will always be the be all, end all defense.