The rules I break got me a place on the radar

Ever since I was a mini hellraiser people have been trying to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do. Fuck you, I don’t want your rules. No quiero your projection on me of who you think I should be. Even as a kid I knew that a conventional mindset was not going to work out for me. Rules, I’ve never been a fan of them. It was only recently, while watching my peers graciously align themselves with their rule set of choice, that I recognized my aversion to following the “rules.” It’s funny within the confines of our minds what can pass for acceptable. We build our own mechanisms and what may be acceptable in one situation yet deemed ludicrous in another. Frankly, every situation comes with its own set of rules and the sooner you identify how far you are willing to bend, the easier your journey will be. The imposer of rules always holds the cards, but it’s up to you as the beast of action, to sculpt the expectation.

The more time passes by, the more I feel alien for the lack of fucks I give about “rules.” Do I have regrets? Yes, plenty. I find it a shame that I have been the victim of false judgement especially when it pertains to areas that could have been avoided had I followed the “rules.” It’s a bummer at times that preconceived notions and the database some folks pull from will never be a home for someone like me. No amount of work and perseverance can erase a negative thought in someone’s mind. It’s a dedicated mission to coddle on that level and no matter how hard you try to cajole yourself into different territory, the rules were instilled to cock block until the end. The way I see it – in the grave, none of these rules matter because we all bow out of this life the same way and become one with the Earth.

So in light of that, why do we hold rules so closely, especially as we age? Boundaries are comforting and constraints give us points of reference that can be molded accordingly. Perception is a double edged sword either way – you’ll either live up to the expectation or be defiant of it. I often ask myself what is better method, being able to deceptively saunter along or letting deficiencies be known off the bat. Either way, playing “by the rules” may prove effective but will rarely take you above and beyond. Turning eyes and spitting in convention’s face is a sure fire way to secure attention. It is what you make of that attention that will be the indicator of your own success. When you desire something already possessed by someone else you need to play by their set of rules. This is why setting new goals and destinations for yourself is priceless. New standing, new rules. If no one had the balls to defy expectation and go against the rules, things would remain the same. Excellence requires failure and believe me, I have had my share of disses and picking up my face off the floor. Nothing like disappointment to make you feel human. While the appeal of actually breaking the law still is somewhat of an adrenaline rush, I know better these days and don’t feel like getting groped in prison. I’m no longer the overtly defiant rebel, I pick and choose each battle. Take your rule set and let it burn baby, burn.

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