Vanity, Insecurity and Me

I’ll be the first to admit, I have issues with being too transparent. Unfortunately in the mix of what I do I have had to learn how to pick my fallen face off the ground time and time again. Sculpting my mask affixed with shit for glue has become a necessity. At this point I’ve learned for every yes, there are a thousand no’s. Over the past 2 months my life I’ve underwent some critical changes that have made me reevaluate everything I once found “important” and “valuable.” When you’re sucked into a vortex of vanity, it’s only inevitable that insecurity will eventually sneak it’s way in.

For the most part, I rarely feel super insecure. Since childhood I’ve been a loner who drifted to different scenarios. It’s in solidarity that you find security or at least, a comfort in not giving a fuck. When I began writing my own music I found a confidence and outlet I had never seen before. To put your product out there and expect anyone to give two shits you have to gather your balls and flash that nutsack. However, there are time periods that humble you where you truly think “am I good enough?” I’m going through that right now at a very weird time period of my life where I’m trying to decipher what parts of who I WAS still apply to the current and future versions of me. Heavy shit brah, but life is heavy. It’s not all rockstar bullshit and sexy pictures, life is real, complex and filled with insecurity. So what is one to do when faced with these challenges? My default in my early 20’s would be revenge, outrageous behavior and indulging in the dark corridors of my madness. Even at 30 I relapse and can recognize that my coping mechanisms are ridiculous but comforting. Confrontation has always been my DL drug and when insecurity kicks in the beast needs to be fed. Fucking loco, right? It’s the Latin blood – things in life aren’t real until we hurt, for every pleasure there’s much more pain.

So, how can we independently rise above insecurity? Simply put – get over it and think higher. Don’t default to negative reserves, it will only shift your energy in the wrong direction. If you want something you cannot let anything consume your energy. We all face insecurity, accept it and realize that you are fucking awesome. Never let anyone or anything make you feel any less.


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