After a solid 3 years of using this site as a platform for my blog, I’ve finally launched BoxxTalk.com. Please check out the site which is hosting the Litterboxx Podcast and tons of original content from a diverse group of ALL FEMALE writers. After years of thinking about this concept and pouring over every little detail, it has finally come to life. Excited to see the site grow and proud to see my baby do its thing!
It’s been one hell of a year. One total life fuck fest that has pretty much uprooted my entire plan. If there is one key thing I re-learned this year it’s that if there is a plan, expect it to be interrupted. The amazing thing about change is how liberating it can be. Who you thought you’d be, what you cared about, things one immediately important to you – all kinda walk out the door when you’re ready to let go. I’ve been writing this blog for about 2 1/2 years as an outlet for everything I could never say on the radio, a place to critically think about my daily life above and beyond the musical aspects. I can’t fake it, it’s hard for me to give a fuck about surface things and I truthfully never got into this to be famous or meet rockstars – I’m just madly in love with music.
My greatest goal in life is to inspire, more specifically to inspire other women to be as candid and confident as possible. The music industry is insidiously mysogynisitc and after awhile it’s so sadly ingrained that as a woman you don’t even think twice about the inequality. It’s always been a Jezebel-suckin dream of mine to create a platform where real women can speak their minds. A place where the duality of wanting to throw on a pair of heels while swigging whiskey listening to Sick of It All would never be questioned. The mainstream has narrowed down women to two useful categories: sexy and homely. Either you exploit your sexuality to entice or get to work as the barefoot and preggo bride you were meant to be. In the eyes of the mainstream, Hilary Clinton cries, she’s weak and unstable but a male counterpart cries, he’s passionate. Shit legitimately infuriates me, we should be able to express whatever emotions and opinions we want without discrimination.
I’m not some mad, yapping clam that wants to abolish the patriarchy. What I am is realistic and after my experiences as a woman in this biz for herself, there are a lot of unspoken injustices and double standards. At this point, I see sexism as a greater silent danger than racism. With so many multicultural ties linking our mainstream view the outwardness of racism becomes more taboo. Women sit in imposed silence in the underbelly in fear we’ll be scrutinized for speaking out. Our defense mechanism has been blending in for so long – infiltrating a mans world, on men’s terms. I even find myself censoring criticisms in an effort to not come off too hard as the token feminist because I get it, this is how it is and to infiltrate you need to integrate. I’ve spent many years the odd woman out in a man’s playground and the things I’ve seen, heard and experienced may have taken a lesser woman down.
Unfortunately, I’m no exception – I am the norm and I just have a mouth willing to convey it without fear and have developed a solid sense of humor about it. Not to be a pessimist here, because believe me I LOVE MEN A LOT but someone’s gotta represent for the snatches. Over the next month I’ll be rolling out BoxxTalk.com with the assistance of the babely Katy Irizarry. We’ve been fine-tuning our podcast Litterboxx and without further adieu…here’s the maiden voyage!
Stay tuned, much more to come. Give us a like us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/boxxtalk
Gratuitous tour selfies
Whenever you hear of someone “going on tour” it seems like such a glamorous life. You envision bikini clad strippers doing coke off a bathroom sink as bottles of hard liquor flow, music blares over invisible speakers and rock stars lap up multitudes of blow jobs from the unending line of adoring groupies. Who wouldn’t savor that life?
The actuality of what happens is of course much less glamorous in execution with extremely long days being the norm, showers being a rarity unless you’re one of the few to actually have a working shower on your vehicle and a very limited amount of precious alone time (which many of us need to retain some semblance of sanity). Seriously though, how does anyone get anything done?! My experience on tour really raised my level of respect for the people who are the backbone of the tour – merch folks, production, vendors, caterers and endless lists of others that make that traveling circus a flawlessly executed event. The glitz and glamor may be evident to some talent, but the beauty really is in what you don’t see. It’s amazing how those who tour together become a temporary family each time – that one piece of reality each person can rely on for familiarity and comfort, which in a work environment are conditions that can make a situation unstoppable. One group of people working for a common goal, sweating together not giving a FUCK, repeating this cycle day after day. You know that 10 minutes in the morning when you want to be left alone, even the sight of your significant other is a potential annoyance? Don’t expect to get more than 1 minute of that time on a tour bus. Definitely not for the faint of heart, ultra prissy or people who NEED solidarity – tour is a group effort and without the support of your crew it can be disaster.
One thing I learned that was key: anything can go wrong at anytime. That element is both frightening and exciting all in one, there’s a certain thrill seeking element to touring that is irreplaceable. Yes, conditions can be basic at best but that chance to experience something new each day is clearly what draws so many into that vagabond situation. I’ve had many friends that tour for a living express the thrill and hatred to me but until I experienced it myself, could not fathom why they kept returning. It’s possibly one of the most uniquely challenging yet fulfilling situations I have ever been a part of. It’s full of family and friendships that help move each cog in the wheel. There’s hilarity, hypocrisy, drama, love, sex and of course the bloodline for all these things – rock n roll. Leaving this experience I walked away with immense respect for all my friends who have spent half their lives touring in order to amplify and promote their art, it may seem like glamor but viewing a lot of artists on the tour I realized what a serious sacrifice it is too. People who leave their families and stability, to gamble on a chance everyday. It’s not an easy life but it’s definitely a respectable, fulfilling one. Cheers to those who make it worth living and remember that next time you go to a touring show date, buy some merch and make it worth their while.
Strippers everywhere, as you can see
You never plan for an accident. The minute it happens it’s pretty common to immediately feel a wave of painful regret. If only…but it doesn’t matter, frankly you’re fucked. My accident was life’s comedy at it’s best. Only minutes after I took off my stacked 6 inch stilettos and stepped on to a dance floor barefoot, did I come down aggressively on my foot. I felt it right away and burst out appropriately laughing in pain, there was no way life could be this cruelly ironic right? Oh but it was, and in the swirl of pity, empathy, frustration and annoyance it’s hits you – it’s gonna be awhile before life gets back to normal. A year and a half of rigorous Crossfit and no injury – so how could this be the asshole thing to bring me down? You just need to laugh at it all or prep the noose. So in my typical “you do what you can” fashion, I’m trying to look at the bright side somewhere here. Here are some gimp lessons I’ve learned so far:
• Looking cute is impossible because no matter how hot you look, you’re still the gimp chick
• Men can still be very courteous and chivalrous. There’s also something kinda hot about a man carrying you with only the strength of his body 😉
• You need to triple check every move you make because every step is such an a overbearing effort. Am I optimizing my reach with this move? Can I wheel myself somewhere? You’d be surprised how many small BS steps you take a day!
• Sleeping with a cast is like having a bionic traitor in your bed
• Being disabled in NYC, or any city for that matter, is torture. With all the stairs, subways and trains we need to siphon through it’s a real life obstacle course. I’ll never snicker or be impatient with others in this position again!
• Staying home used to seem like such a last resort for me but being here has put so much into perspective, life slowed down is kind of beautiful if your feel a little gratitude for the small things
• The less you move, the less hungry you are. If the one bright side is losing a few pounds in time for summer, I’ll take it 🙂
THE BEST PART: this is the song I went down to…
Yes, I am aware that boobs sell.
Everything is a numbers game these days. How many likes, how many followers, how many “friends” – everything digitally is quantified. We’re made to feel some kind of way if we’re not engaged or striving for more numbers. The value of anything, ironically even the impact of this post, is measured by how successfully it is spread. Note: not received but spread. We’re living in an age where a person can have 100k followers on Instagram based off of little more than and willingness to take personal pictures daily and share with the fickle and fly-by digital world. The truth is, that same person might be a total tool bag and person and more than likely not even have enough money to buy today’s lunch. Don’t let the numbers deceive you, instant gratification is not real life success. Or maybe it is to some people, they see this level of approval as some ego bounty. Either way – just like MySpace top 8 where are they now hoes before them, everything has it’s time. Longevity lies in legacy, not in what you say you do or mislead the digital public to think, it’s those actual actions.
Isn’t it hilarious that the internet, something meant to be a connector of those in real life, has become it’s own little virtual reality. I sometimes find myself blown away by the amount of followers someone has thinking, “I’ve worked my ass off with integrity for the last 7 years, stuck to my guns yet this dipshit has a stronger presence?!” It’s a strange jealousy because in actuality, who are you? “Fame” is such an interesting concept and those who take the attention they have for granted piss me off sometimes. Use it for good, to stand for something that is meaningful and long lasting. So many people want the shine but don’t wanna put in that work. Like Britney said, you better werq bitch.
Easter is always an awkward time for me. I’m usually wedged between my mother urging me to “believe in god, he will take care of you” and fighting the constant urge to tell her I just don’t really believe in her “God.” Filipino mom problems, they were born suckling off the Jesus teet. It’s a common dichotomy. On one hand you have the optimistic spiritual view, on the other the tragically realistic. I’m starting to realize it might be regionally symptomatic to the environment I dwell in. We all know how it goes and the grass is always greener theoretically on the other side. During my trips home I always think about my friends who have opted to stay close, get married, work practical jobs and live a “normal” life. In my youth I admittedly looked down on that life because I couldn’t understand it. I could not understand why anyone would rush to have kids, be married and not explore the Earth while they had the time and freedom. Selfish ambition has been my fuel for life and there was no way I was going to spend the rest of my days in the dreamland that is Hillside, New Jersey. However, somewhere in the last year I have developed an amazing respect and admiration for people who have done this. Dedication to that life requires a skill set I could never possess and personal sacrifice & selflessness way beyond my comprehension.
Come rescue me from this dreaded city livin’…
While fulfilling my yearly church obligation on Easter, I saw something that genuinely touched me at my barren core. An everyday occurrence to most but something so personally foreign to me. A young girl was crying and her father, a man who appeared to be in his early 30’s, scooped her up and held her. Unable to ease her loud tears in a packed church he carried her out – red faced, screaming and tantrum filled. Minutes later they returned and she was calm and docile, full of comfort and peace. It hit me like a ton of bricks – that father was the definition of what it is to truly be a man. After many years of meeting countless “men” who can’t even commit to a simple plan for dinner or get their shit together enough to function as an adult, it dawned on me how respectable it is to be an active father. How much sacrifice and personal struggle is involved. Most of all, how asinine my biased opinions of those I knew who committed to that life were. I have no clue what it’s like to feel the exhaustion of protecting, nurturing and cultivating a life. You not only have to live as a good & responsible person to set that example, but you have to interpret and pass on those values. Sure, I’ve interviewed stars and partied with my musical heroes, but it all seems to pale in comparison to the lifelong task of being responsible for someone else’s life. You want a break? You don’t get one. Having a bad day? It’s not your kid or husbands’ problem. The truth is one of the scariest responsibilities is the well being of others, whether it be emotional or physical. Every morning I wake up thinking about the pressures of my career but it will never cry at me, or get sick and have to go to the hospital. On the opposite side of the spectrum, my friends with kids will never have to worry about looking fat on camera or going to their 3rd party or show to network with the same people days in a row. It’s all relative amigo.
No one is perfect and there is a point in life where you realize your parents are just people, subject to error and carriers of their own baggage. There is a beauty in that level of focus, togetherness and sacrifice that no professional accolade can replace. The “city life” and it’s nontraditional, essentially selfish ways has jaded me to a rotten degree. It reminded me that at the root of hometown is the home, something the hustle and betrayal of the city rarely focuses on. Not to say there aren’t unsteady characters on that side either but the frequency is subjectively less. Some people may say it’s a “simpler” kind of life but whenever I ask someone I know living it I actually discover the opposite.
Appreciate the beauty of each side and help a friend out when they need a babysitter! Your hangover may suck but god knows that day of relief probably means more to them than you’ll be able to understand.
We all need something to pass the time. Scoping out potential partners (whatever degree that may be) tops my list of amusements. Have you ever feared looking into someone’s eyes because you know the sheer power they hold? A gaze that can demolish every conviction you’ve ever had? The oblivious dickmatization that is about to occur? Shit is real. You gotta choose that vampire carefully.
The truth is, babes are everywhere and if you choose to half-fill your cup like I do, you can make the most out of every situation. You can learn a lot about babes in their natural environment. When their defenses are down, the confident, comfortable and hopefully well groomed side comes out. There is though, that one illustrious person. Someone who is the total package aesthetically, chemically, and intellectually. That my friends is the time bomb – the babe of all babes. Let us go over some key babes you meet everyday in your quest for the babe of all babes…
Eddie Cibrian = El REY OF BEBS
Work hot babes:
8-9 hours a day with the same people, day after day in an enclosed space. Do the math, you always see what you never thought you’d see. Smaller the quarters, the quicker the bomb blows up. Good bless holiday parties for making fantasies come true!
You into media bro?
Gym hot babes:
Since upgrading my gym experience, let’s just say the scenery improved. Crossfit = mostly fit men working out without a shirt. Good scenery is a great workout motivator and I really love seeing men with nice bodies with no shirt on. The gym is the place to find the babe of all babes because people who take care of their bodies know how to use them. And by use them I mean fuck.
Just another shirtless day at the gym 🙂
Food experience babes:
You know that one semi-cute dude at Starbucks, the only reason you wake up 10 mins earlier to put on make up for? What about the checkout boy with the tattoos at Trader Joes? That 5 min smile and flirt goes a long way for morale, soak it in.
Professional crush babes:
Nothing screams sexy like power, success and admiration. Put that on a nice body with a killer smile and you’ve got a loaded gun. These are always pursuits, whether it’s in the mind or actuality. Respect is key in this one so it rarely pans out, mostly remains a 3AM hand fantasy.
Zane Lowe, marry me?
If you’re one of the many blessed to be vacuumed into the sardine can that is the NYC transit system, you get it. There are those people you see everyday on your commute who happen to captivate you for a few seconds. Only the potentially shocking mega babe can warrant a few minutes stare but that is what sunglasses are for…cold creepin. Usually locked away in the fantasy spank bank you can always hope one day you’ll discover that eye-locking mirage on Craigslist Missed Connections. It has to happen for someone right?
You have to delight in everyday flirtations. Observe, learn and communicate – when you finally meet that babe of all babes, you’ll lock eyes and they’ll steal your soul. Happy hunting!